The new celebrity trend that’s sweeping the nation… (chuckles) …is face-face tattoos. I don’t see any right here. But, uh, you got to admire
the confidence of a fake… uh, face tattoo because they’re
committing to these for life, and I still get nervous
about writing on my hand. Even though I did write
on my hand. But, uh, I have two tattoos,
and they’re stupid. But, um,
we’ll come back to that. But let’s look
at some of these, uh, tattoos. There’s Amber Rose. She got her kids’ names
on her forehead. I guess her kid was
in Guns N’ Roses. What does that say? “Slash”? How old is she? Uh, although, I’m sure
they would have preferred a trip to Chuck E. Cheese. We’ve got, um,
Cindy Crawford’s kid Presley. Uh, he got the word
“misunderstood” under his eye. -GRIFFIN: Oh.
-Uh, he’s young, but what if he’s
ever understood? Then what happens? -Anyway, paint yourself
in a corner. -GRIFFIN: Terrible. Post Malone,
bloody buzz saw on his cheek. Of course, that old chestnut. (laughter) Every crew guy on this lot… It’s an audience full
of grandmas. …looks like Post Malone. All right. And finally,
Chris Brown with an Air Jordan. -WOLF: Right.
-This might not be the worst decision
he’s ever made. Okay. I’m thinking of getting
a Croc tattoo on my cheek. I feel like
that might be too much. I want to know
when is Post Malone… He should just go
full NASCAR with his face. -You know what I mean?
-SPADE: He’s pretty close, yeah. How much… Miller Lite
would pay a lot of money. Just if you put, like,
right on his face. And if he wink… if he winked,
and it just said “Viagra.” -I mean, he…
-You said Viagra? -Yeah.
-Maybe, uh, Amber Rose is, uh… Maybe she knows she’s gonna get
dementia or something. So she can be like…
If she loses her kids… “Right here.
Have you… have you seen…? And…?” Yeah, you know what, I…
Bash and Slash also sounds like something her and Wiz Khalifa
used to do in bed, but just on his birthday.
You know what I mean? -(groaning)
-Oh, that’s too far? Sorry, okay. -Yeah, that’s how she had
the kids. -Yeah. (laughs) To me, Post Malone at this point
looks like a dive… Like a bathroom stall
in a dive bar. -Yeah. He’s really getting
scribbled on. -Yeah. I-I will say, also, like,
Chris Brown… I think it’s good that he got
a permanent mark on his face. He’s left enough
on another people’s faces. -GRIFFIN: Right.
-SPADE: Joshua… -(groaning and applause)
-Where I feel like… -Too much. -Yeah.
-…Michael Wolf. By the way, that’s actually
where Rihanna kicked him. (laughter) -That’s a footmark? -I think
he should’ve just tattooed a black eye under it. But these people act like
they’re gonna be famous forever. At some point,
they’re gonna have to get their realtor’s license,
you know what I mean? But this dude. This is what I…
This is the one… If you’re 20 years old,
do not get a tat… We have all been
20-year-old men. You’re dumb. You’re dumb at 20. You still jerk off in a sock. You should not make a decision
to put a tattoo on your face. Also, Chris Brown’s almost… He’s 30, so he has five years before that sneaker
starts creasing. (laughter) -Nobody likes a creased sneak.
-No. I feel like face tattoos
are a new thing because that was
sort of off-limits for a while. Like, I did my arms,
and they’re stupid. Of course, I got the one
on my taint for my birthday. But even when I got the one
on my arm, my mom was like,
“Oh, Davey, it’s over.” -GRIFFIN: Don’t you have a…
-What’s over? Don’t you have
a Sandler tramp stamp? -Don’t you have a…
-(laughter and applause) (cheering and applause) -Yeah.
-And that’s-that’s… By the way,
that’s pre-monologue revenge. -Yeah.
-(laughter and applause) Presley Gerber,
this whole thing, that just proves
that no matter who you are, you can always hate
your parents. -Yeah. His parents are nice.
-WOLF: Yeah. I think his sister’s getting
a lot of attention lately, and this is sort of
a “even it out” thing. Yo, I– You know, I’ll tell you
something I really can’t stand. It’s like when you’re that
handsome, you try to mess it up, -and it still doesn’t really
mess it up. -Yeah, that is true. -It’s like, “Come on, man.”
-He’s got a gift. I’m gonna get a face tattoo
of a cuter person on my face. -You’re gonna tattoo somebody
else’s face on your face? -Yeah. Great idea. Sara, go ahead. Chris Brown’s original face. Are eyebrow tattoos
considered face tattoos? Because if so,
my grandma has two. Yeah. I think they are. Do people tattoo eyebrows
on their face? Yeah. And my gra–
my grandma’s face looks like her tattoo artist
got tired, because half of her face
looks surprised and the other half looks
seductive. -SPADE: Seductive?
-Yeah. -That’s a good word.
-But, wait, people shave the hair
they already have to tattoo fake hair? I think they lo–
I think they lose it. -It goes away. Eyebrows go away.
-What? Yeah. -Eyebrows go away?
-Yeah. -I think.
-Yeah, men bald here. Women bald here.